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At 11 on a weeknight earlier this year, her work finished, a slim, pretty junior at the University of Pennsylvania did what she often does when she has a little free time. Their relationship, she noted, is not about the meeting of two souls.
She texted her regular hookup — the guy she is sleeping with but not dating. “We don’t really like each other in person, sober,” she said, adding that “we literally can’t sit down and have coffee.” Ask her why she hasn’t had a relationship at Penn, and she won’t complain about the death of courtship or men who won’t commit.
When I was 17, a friend and I promised to lose our virginity within the year.
We saw sex glamorized on TV and in music and heard popular peers talking about it as an amazing experience. I believed And so I lost my virginity to a stranger.
Read what WOMEN really think about using Tinder here. If you use it with the goal of meeting someone new and having a new experience, I think it is a great tool.
However, the chance of aggression leading to non-consensual sex, even if not great, is high enough that aggressors should work diligently to avoid this potentially grave result.
I consider how this problem plays out in the common mating ritual of hooking up.
Her take: “I went out with a guy I met online who seemed really sweet and charming. A few days later, he texts me to say that he isn't looking for a girlfriend—just casual sex.
I felt cheated and hurt.” -Andrea C., 31Expert take: Even if a guy doesn’t say straight out in his profile that he’s only looking for hook-ups, some will offer hints.
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I argue that aggressive hook ups can only be permissible if they are modeled on BDSM encounters: the participants must obtain prior consent and prepare safe words for voiding that consent during the hook up.